grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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