he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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