Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
