Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
