I heard we made out
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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