I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she told me i tasted like america
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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