i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
