All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
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My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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