Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
