It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We're too hungover to prance.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
