We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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