The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
