mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
