a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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