i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
