i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Man, jail baloney is awful.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
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If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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