ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
