You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
