she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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