he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize