So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
