SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
