Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
