3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
