when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
is it fun? or sober?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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