The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
