im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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