"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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