so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
