we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
