PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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