You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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