Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
