So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
