Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
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I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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