Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
