actually, I'm a sock model
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
