For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I FOUND THE LEGS
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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