so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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