I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
