What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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