my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
