Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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