Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I touched a dick in church today
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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