On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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