we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
