I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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