I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
