would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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