I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
