I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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