Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
