And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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