Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm passing your future prison.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
