Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
