dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Randomize
