God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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