i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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