Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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