ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
