i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
