i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
