One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
