i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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