Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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