I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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