If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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