haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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