I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
