im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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