I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
