you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
